I was in Los Angeles the past few days
and for most of the time that I was there
it was cloudy and rainy,
with highs in the mid-50s.
While I was disappointed to miss out
on sunny California weather,
the native Californians seemed
far more disconcerted than I was:
where had the sun gone?
What was this stuff falling from the sky?
Perhaps they felt like Peter, James, and John
in today’s Gospel: “a cloud came
and cast a shadow over them,
and they became frightened
when they entered the cloud.”
and for most of the time that I was there
it was cloudy and rainy,
with highs in the mid-50s.
While I was disappointed to miss out
on sunny California weather,
the native Californians seemed
far more disconcerted than I was:
where had the sun gone?
What was this stuff falling from the sky?
Perhaps they felt like Peter, James, and John
in today’s Gospel: “a cloud came
and cast a shadow over them,
and they became frightened
when they entered the cloud.”
But I suspect whatever consternation
might have been felt by the Angelenos
was minor compared to the disciples
on the Mount of Transfiguration.
Though the Transfiguration of Jesus
is ultimately about the revelation of divine glory
and the hope it engenders in us,
the path to this glory and hope
seems to pass through darkness and fear,
for the “exodus” that Jesus speaks of
with Moses and Elijah
will prove to be his passage
through suffering and death
to new life on Easter Morning.
For the disciples, the Transfiguration
is a moment of realization
that they are lost in a wilderness
and confronted by the living God.
We hear something similar
in the account of God’s appearance to Abram:
“As the sun was about to set, a trance fell upon Abram,
and a deep, terrifying darkness enveloped him.”
The promised land and offspring are to come,
but first Abram must sit in fearsome darkness
amid dismembered animals and carrion-eating birds.
On the journey to the land of promise,
divine glory sometimes looks to us
like cloud and darkness and perplexity.
Pope Leo the Great,
commenting on the Transfiguration,
says, “The way to rest is through toil,
The way to life is through death.”
Of course, we in the Church
hear and say these sorts of things all the time,
and sometimes we reduce them to platitudes like
“you’ve got to carry the cross to wear the crown,” or
“God never closes a door without opening a window.”
These kinds of things make sense,
until, that is, you find yourself enshrouded
in a deep terrifying darkness.
You receive a frightening medical diagnosis
and you don’t know what the days and weeks will bring.
The work that gave you meaning and purpose is taken from you
and it is not clear if you will find anything to replace it.
Your beloved parish closes
and you wonder if you will ever
find a new spiritual home.
“The way to rest is through toil,
The way to life is through death.”
But now you are forced to ask yourself:
do I really believe this?
Can this really be true?
Is there rest on the other side of toil?
Is there life on the other side of death?
One way to think about Lent
is that it is a time of God
training our vision
so that we can glimpse his glory
even within the cloud,
even amid the deep terrifying darkness.
Writing to the Philippians,
Paul criticizes those for whom,
as he strikingly puts it,
“their God is their stomach.”
That one certainly hits close to home.
How much time do I spend amassing things
that I think will satisfy my deepest cravings?
How many things or achievements do I grasp
in the hope that they will afford me security,
that they will allow me to avoid pain,
that they will keep fear and loss at bay?
But then the cloud descends
and a deep terrifying darkness envelops me
that no thing or achievement can illuminate.
Through practices of prayer, fasting, and charity,
Lent calls us to not let our minds
be occupied with earthly things.
Not because earthly things are not important,
but because we can see their true value
only in the light of eternity,
only in the light cast by the transfigured Jesus.
The fear and anxiety and loss that come
from our attachment to earthly things
cannot be magicked away by platitudes
about crosses and crowns
and doors and windows;
illness and uncertainty and mourning are real
and we should not pretend that they are not.
But God is more real.
The love of Jesus is more real.
The power of the Spirit is more real.
Lent invites us to loosen our grip
on our fear and anxiety and loss
so that Christ can take all these things
into his heart,
and carry them with him in his toil
so that we can find rest,
carry them with him through his death
so that we can find life.
It is precisely because
fear and anxiety and loss are real
that we must place them in the heart of Jesus,
for it is through his toil that we find our rest,
it is through his death that we find our life.
He has entered the cloud
and the terrifying darkness
so that he can be our light.
Let us allow God this Lent
to bear our burdens
and show us the light of his mercy
so that God in his mercy
might have mercy on us all.