If you do enough weddings
you can begin to feel as if
the wedding ceremony itself is just an appendage
to a much bigger and more important event
that includes many hours of photography
and one or more very lavish and expensive parties,
into which months and even years
of planning are invested.
It can begin to feel like the actual exchange of vows
in the presence of God, his minister, and his people
is something of secondary importance,
even when occurring in a beautiful setting
and adorned with flowers and music.
This is not to cast any doubt on the sincerity
of the couples taking their vows,
but it is simply to note how difficult it is
to resist cultural pressure and expectations
and what I like to call
the Wedding-Industrial Complex,
that is devoted to finding new things
you can spend money on.
you can begin to feel as if
the wedding ceremony itself is just an appendage
to a much bigger and more important event
that includes many hours of photography
and one or more very lavish and expensive parties,
into which months and even years
of planning are invested.
It can begin to feel like the actual exchange of vows
in the presence of God, his minister, and his people
is something of secondary importance,
even when occurring in a beautiful setting
and adorned with flowers and music.
This is not to cast any doubt on the sincerity
of the couples taking their vows,
but it is simply to note how difficult it is
to resist cultural pressure and expectations
and what I like to call
the Wedding-Industrial Complex,
that is devoted to finding new things
you can spend money on.
From the first time I met with Stephen and Theresa
I knew that this was not the case with them.
They simply wanted to get married.
They did not want to host a lavish event,
or stage a photo op,
or make themselves the center of attention.
They simply wanted to vow their love to each other
in the presence of God and in the midst of people
whom they love and who love them.
I knew that they did not just want to get married,
they wanted to be married.
They wanted to be joined to one another
in a sacrament that would give them
the grace that they need
to live life together
in the many years to come.
They wanted what really matters.
This is, of course, a beautiful event:
the Cathedral is beautiful,
the music is beautiful,
the couple, in particular, is beautiful.
But the most beautiful thing here
is God’s grace.
Like the wise writer of the book of Proverbs,
Theresa and Stephen know
that “charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting.”
They know that what matters on this day
is the one thing that is not deceptive and fleeting:
the love of God
that has become real for them
in their love for one another.
We call this love “grace”
because it is something God gives us
without our ever deserving it,
just as Theresa and Stephen
have given their love to each other
freely and generously and not really caring
if the other one has earned it.
That’s how love works,
and that’s how God works.
The beauty of God’s grace
that we celebrate in this sacrament
is that we love God because God loves us first,
and God loves us not because we are good
but because God is good.
Stephen and Theresa, in the Gospel
Jesus tells his followers to remain in his love
so that they might have fullness of joy.
It is this love that really matters today,
and in the years of marriage that lie ahead of you
the challenge will be simply
to remain in Christ’s love—
to abide in this eternal moment
when God gives you his love
through your love for one another.
And when life brings you hardships,
as it undoubtedly will,
when you feel misunderstood,
as you undoubtedly will,
when you wonder what
you have gotten yourself into,
as you undoubtedly will,
return to this moment and remain in it,
for this is the moment when eternal love
shows itself in time and space
in the words of promise
that you will speak to each other.
If you remain in the love
that God gives you today,
then your life together
will be a life of joy,
even in the face of hardship
and misunderstanding
and doubt,
because it will be a life
graced by God’s love,
the one thing that really matters.
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